i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
