I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
