when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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