alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize