I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.