she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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