i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
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I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.