How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?