Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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