im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
