I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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