two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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