lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
