grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You were trust falling into bushes
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