I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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