I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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