the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
