i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
