you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
