She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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