Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
