Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
