My friends, they love my intelligence
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
