So drunk its hurt
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
