But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
