i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
