So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
