we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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