Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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