why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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