Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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