hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
