Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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