He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
