I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
