So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
