Me too!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
