My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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