You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
