Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
