Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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