So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
