Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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