the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
