that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
