Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
