i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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