those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
