this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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