um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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