what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
