I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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