it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
