We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
