just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
