My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
