We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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