Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
