i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize