sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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