so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Randomize
