We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
