weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
