Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
