i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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