I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
