i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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