Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
