Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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