also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize