He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
