i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
