I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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