someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
