Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
