I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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