I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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