Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
