white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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