This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
