if i died would you start the facebook group?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
