maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize