The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
