I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
