so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just tell him i said nine months
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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