I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
