Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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