Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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